The Samarzee Tribesmen of
the Philippines were ruthless warriors notorious for
running roughshod over their neighboring tribes.
Stealing land at will, they
conquests into virtual slaves, controlling
every aspect of their lives. In a word,
they were the bosses, unquestioned,
feared, obeyed. But whats really
remarkable is how the Samarzees
pulled this off. For you see, everything
about the Samarzee army seemed
to be grander than anything seen before.
They wore strikingly colorful body armor
that literally blinded their opposing forces.
Their spears were towering spires of
death that seemed to scrape the sky.
But no doubt their greatest intimidation
factor came from the awesomely impressive cod-pieces these
covers evidently designed to protect....
how should we say...
jumbo privates, the likes of which would leave even the most viral of bull
water buffaloes feeling lacking.
One look at this magnificent display
of seemingly godlike masculinity and their rival forces would throw down
their weapons and surrender, obviously seeing themselves as woefully
understocked in the parts department.
This feeling of inferiority the
inflicted on the other
tribes allowed them to
totally dominate, to be the “big bosses” for generations.
out-and-out “dictate”to their neighbors who they should answer to.
That was until one day when a Young Boy, venturing away from his tribe, happened
upon a group of Samarzee warriors as they bathed in the river, sans their
What he saw shocked him! Seeing them in the "Full Monty", he saw
that the Samarzees werent awesomely endowed at all, rather far from
what one would even call "adequate".
Clearly what had been their greatest weapon was
nothing more than the work of a brilliant costumer whod developed what
can only be described as the male equivalent of the Wonder Bra.
Their cod-pieces were really
just ingeniously padded protrusions designed to give the illusion of
The young boy raced back to his village and quickly spread the news of
That instead of packin' monster cranks, the Samarzees only had cocktail franks!!
Before that day was out, the once feared Samarzees
were overrun and wiped out by the masses they had so deviously manipulated
for decades. The people vowing never again to be fooled by a bunch of