Sad to say, but these
days far too many bosses get off on trying to turn you into their own private
verbal punching bag. You know the kind. For the lamest of reasons, they just
love to call you on the carpet and blast away at you with a barrage of words
that spit out of their mouths like hot rounds from an Uzi.
And what joy they seem
to get from it. Though their faces turn beet red, with veins that you never
knew a human being were supposed to have bulging from their necks and foreheads,
they seem to be having the time of their lives... at your
how they want to get to you. Hoping to see you shrink to the size of DNA.
They live for it. They feed on it, like blood to a vampire.
So...if you really want to OFF THE BOSS, dont
let it em get to you.
it hurts!, you cry. And rightfully so. It can hurt. And
it gets you mad. Damn mad! Especially if others are listening. There is a
very primal human instinct to defend oneself when being attacked.
But what if you
could create your own private bullet proof vest to bounce their useless words
away from you, like gunfire ricocheting off Supermans big red
Sounds good, right?
But you know youll never be able to get one of those vests. Heck, you
can hardly afford kneepads for weekend rollerblading.
The good news is
-- it doesnt cost you a cent. Its created in your mind. And very
simply. All you have to do is ask yourself one simple question: Am
I really being attacked?
Good question. Glad
you asked. Because now youre about to create that vest of steel with,
what we like to call:
From now on, whenever
your boss begins to spew their verbal vomit, simply let your mind take you
away from there. Not to some paradise, but to your friendly downtown...
thats right. Bear with us for a moment here. Come on, we've
all seen it. Going to traffic court or taking the wrong turn to the stadium;
or bringing in the VCR to a convenient carry-in factory repair shop
(why do convenient carry-in factory repair shops always have
to be located in what could pass for downtown Beirut?). But sometime in our
life, weve found ourselves driving through skid row. And on every street
corner, in every skid row in America, there is the proverbial Bag Lady.
Shes usually dressed in preparation for some cataclysmic ice-age, even
thought its 110 degrees outside, what teeth she has the color of dried
egg yolk, as she moves slowly down the middle of the street, steadfastly
navigating her beat-up shopping cart like Captain Ahab at the helm in search
of the big one.
That in mind, think about what she says.
high-voltage insults she throws at you as you pass by on foot or in your
Horrid words that damn your life, question your heritage, and defile your
appearance. Even on a good hair day.
Now think for a moment, because weve all been there. When you hear
these viscous insults, are you upset by them? Do they linger with you for
the rest of the day, like the smell of something you stepped in on the way
to work, but cant seem to locate on your shoe?
OF COURSE NOT!
And why? Because WHAT THE HELL DO WE CARE WHAT SOME NUTSO
BAG LADY HAS TO SAY IN THE FIRST PLACE!?! We know her opinion doesnt
count. We know she hasnt given serious consideration to your life,
your career, or your appearance before calling you an ugly, dung-eating
pile of maggot snot!
Shes a bag lady!
Ah-ha, now youre catching on. Do you respect her? No? Do you really
care what she has to say about you? No way! Do you really think that she
has some great perceptive, perspicacious, intuitive understanding of how
you fit into the great cosmic scheme of the universe? NO! You know the poor
soul is the way she is because budget cuts have kept her out of the loony
bin and off her much needed medication.
Okay, then. See where were going? Replace your boss yammering
blitzkrieg with that of some imaginary Bag Lady. What do you have?...
Do you really
think that the boss has some great perceptive, perspicacious, intuitive
understanding of how you fit into the great cosmic scheme of the universe!
that the poor soul is the way they are because budget cuts have kept them
out of the loony bin and off their much needed
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